The name is Mike, I'm 21, and I am a SPC in the Missouri Army National Guard. I am married to the most wonderful girl in the world. I am a 15R AH-64D Attack Helicopter Repairer, long story short I'm an Apache helicopter mechanic. Any questions, just ask. I post whatever the fuck i feel like. You don't like it, there's an "unfollow" button for a fuckin reason. WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!

One of these days, my luck is gonna run out. And I fear its not too far on the horizon.

We have literally survived on savings and the little bit of BAH the VA gives me for school these past few months. Here it is coming up on a new month and we have zero money for the next wave of bills and no substantial income to speak of. 

My job search has been an absolute bust. Hers has been just as bad if not worse.

When we first moved to KC, I turned down a job at Lowes to work a security job, which i worked for maybe 3 weeks before I couldn’t take it anymore. I wont go into details but there was quite a few reasons why I quit. But hindsight being 50/50, I should have went with the safe, albeit part-time Lowes job.

Fast forward 2 months, we are sitting in a stupidly expensive apartment (for what it is) with no way to pay one car payment, let alone two. No way to pay even the electricity bill or even food. Two, damn near, maxed out credit cards and again, no income to support it.

And its depressing on so many levels. I moved us out here so I could try to better myself and go to school, which up until 6 months ago, I had been so against, it was laughable. And the really fucked up part, this is only one of maybe a handful of times in my life I have actually tried to do something with my life other than just exist, and its literally blowing up in my face. Its almost to the point where I may have to give up school and either move back home to re-evaluate everything or get one or two shitty part time jobs until I can afford to go back to school. 

I am trying to do all this while trying to focus on school, which is hard considering the subjects AND my mental focus problems. 

The stress is starting to wear on me so bad, its effecting my sleep, my motivation, and my stomach goes from “I cant get enough food” to “I just realized I haven’t eaten is 18 hours”

I just don’t know how long this is gonna last. Something is either going to horribly wrong or we’re going to get lucky beyond belief. And if I was a betting man, my money would be on the horribly wrong option, cause that’s where its headed.